I read something recently that said people spend more time figuring out what they’d wear to a dinner party than thinking about what they’d talk about.
Oh right, it’s from this piece by Arthur Brooks in The Atlantic. Don’t Make Small Talk. Think Big Talk.
“Arguably, the foremost reason that conversations are difficult is because we don’t prepare for them or work to get better at them... People generally spend more time thinking about what they will wear to a dinner party than what they will talk about. Researchers have found that, laziness aside, this insouciance about conversation is because 50 percent believe that thinking about topics in advance will make a conversation feel forced and artificial; only 12 percent of people think such mental preparation will enhance the experience.”
Kinda heady. (btw: Insouciance means a casual lack of concern; indifference. Word of the day! Now I just have to practice pronouncing it so I can use it in a real-life sentence).
He’s advocating for deeper conversations. Love that. But also to his point about preparing, I think we could all become more comfortable sparking any kind of conversation.
It’s not easy to engage someone in conversation.
It takes practice.
That’s why I’ve pre-thought some questions for you to use in some very specific situations.
At places you might already find yourself frequenting.
Figured we could ease our way in with some low-stakes encounters. With strangers!
Help you get some reps in before diving into the deep end.
Then, if any of these questions are a hit, you can add them to your personal conversation catalog to bust out at your next Dinner Party.
Part of engaging people in conversation is initiating. That’s the question part. Then you listen. The other part is having something interesting to say if/when the question comes back to you. So that’s what I’m doing here.
When you’re at the grocery store and someone is blocking your access to the shelf of olive oil right next to the hot sauce:
Q: What condiment do you feel morally obligated to defend?
A: Horseradish.
When you’re at a museum and don’t have anything to say about the exhibit but still want to come-off as intellectually-stimulating to the pensive person next to you:
Q: If your life was a movie, what song would be playing in this scene right now?
A: Sinnerman.
When you are waiting in a slow-moving line of people who are all on their phones:
Q: What’s the last thing you wrote in your Notes app?
A:
When you’re on a group hike, loitering at the back near the person who brought snacks:
Q: If your personality were a discontinued snack or drink, what would it be?
A: Shock Tarts. A little sour. Takes time to chew. Not for everyone.
When you’re at the post office and feeling flirty:
Q: If you could design a commemorative stamp, what would the image be?
A: My dog Marlowe riding in a hot air balloon.
When you’re waiting more than 3 minutes for your iced cortado with oat milk and standing next to someone who has been waiting even longer for their drink:
Q: What’s your go-to fake identity when you order under a name that’s not yours?
A: MJ 😜
When the third person who works at Sephora comes by to ask if you need help finding anything thing:
Q: What’s the most specific compliment you’ve ever given someone?
A: You’ve got Madonna arms.
When you slip out of a presentation at a conference and immediately make eye contact with another person who had the same idea:
Q: If you had to give a TED Talk right now, what incredibly specific topic could you ramble on about for 15 minutes?
When you’re picking up your Thai takeout and someone comes in after you but ignores the fact that you were waiting for a reason:
Q: What time do you usually eat dinner?
A: Wayyyy too late - usually after 8:00pm.
Happy conversing! Let me know how it goes!
Which of the above questions do you think would be most fun to ask? And what would your answer be?
I love your latest note and would buy a sheet of those stamps asap.
Your discontinued snack question just sent me down a rabbit hole wondering if a have a Mandela effect going on. I’d be those packs with cookie sticks and frosting dip. Not dunkaroos though, so now I’ll just be lurking on Reddit for the night…
Thanks for the fun questions!