Not Another Gift Guide

Gift experiences that actually happen

Let me start by stating the obvious: this is NOT a gift guide.

Most gift guides tell us to “just go for experiences, not things!” But let’s be real, we’re pretty terrible at gifting experiences.

We think “Oh they mentioned surfing, I’ll get them that” but we don’t go deeper to find the unexpected thing that would actually delight them. So we hand over a vague IOU to go surf some time in the future or proffer a generic gift card for them to buy an surf experience on their own.

But here’s where it falls flat: there’s no specificity, no follow-through, no real commitment. An IOU for “future surfing” isn’t a gift. Technically, it’s homework.

How to Gift Experiences People Actually Want to Experience

I’m the kind of person that LOVES to create experiences. So naturally, I love gifting them, too.

And oh you better believe that I’ve “hand-crafted” my share of hand drawn IOUs and “You’re Entitled To” Coupons that I’ve never made good on. I’ve also been the recipient of many “We Got You This Experience” gift cards that I’ve never even tried to redeem.

All this to say, I’ve learned a thing or two and am now passing this hard-won knowledge onto you.

Because I want you to know how to give better experience gifts. The people in your life deserve it.

Not gonna bury the lede. Here’s the secret.

The gift isn’t really the pilates class or the ski trip or the pottery workshop. The gift is: “I see you. I want to spend time with you doing this thing you love. And oh by the way, I’ve taken care of all the details.”

It’s really about the thought, care, attention, time, energy and effort that YOU put into making something happen for another person.

You know how the best sandwich you’ll ever eat is the one that someone else makes for you? Follow that feeling.

Let me hit you with a scenario.

Your friend has been talking about wanting to go to the Symphony. You’ve got a gifting opportunity coming up. You’ve done some research. Scouted dates. Scoured for tickets. And when they open that gift, here’s what they immediately feel:

• Seen. You’ve noticed what they care about. You’ve taken an interest in their interests.

• Relieved. You’ve removed all the friction (picked the date, bought the tickets)

• Supported. You’ve committed to going WITH.

You’re not just giving someone “A Thing To Do.” You’re giving them a feeling.

What Makes a GREAT Experience Gift

Let me get specific about what separates experience gifts that actually happen from the ones that remain to-do’s on a never-ending list.

I’ve received gift cards for pilates classes, spa days and even a trapeze lesson (yes, really). But in order to make-good on ‘em requires me to research schedules, coordinate calendars, recruit a friend and then actually show up. That’s a looming project. With a guilt-inducing deadline.

So here’s what I’ve learned about pulling off experience gifts that actually get used:

Get Specific With Dates and Details. The difference between “Here’s a gift card for a cooking class” and “I signed up for the Thai cooking class on March 15th at 6pm, I’m picking you up” is everything. One requires the recipient to do all the planning work. The other removes every barrier and just asks them to show up. Vague future intentions don’t become real plans. Actual dates on calendars do.

Commit to Going WITH Them. A “You should try this” gift card becomes “We’re doing this together.” Your presence isn’t just nice-to-have but it’s the accountability piece that makes it happen.

Handle ALL the Logistics. You do the research. You pick the date. You buy the tickets. You make the reservation. You figure out parking. Outfits. Plan As and Bs. You put it on their calendar. The gift isn’t just the experience. It’s the mental load you’re taking off their plate.

Recurring Experiences > One-Offs. Here’s where memberships and standing plans shine! Like: “I got us both memberships to the Botanic Gardens, let’s go Wednesday afternoons.” Ok, now this creates a rhythm. It’s not just another thing for them to schedule but a mini ritual that’s built together.

The specificity and commitment level matters MORE than the experience itself.

So What Does This Look Like in Practice?

Here are things that keep coming up in conversations with people in my life. You know, stuff from the “we should do that sometime” list (that never gets done). Could they make pretty awesome gifts? Absolutely.

Sauna/Recovery Center Membership. You want to be someone who saunas and cold plunges regularly. You found a place in town that looks super cool and you want to be a member. Recruit a friend and make it easy for them to be your dual-temps-buddy.

Guess Where Trip. Who knows where you’ll end up! Make up your own itinerary (or gift cards are available from this company).

Long Distance Conversation Kit. We’ve all got friends who live in places we don’t. What if we picked a date, shipped a little kit (cocktail recipe? conversation starters?) and then hopped on a Zoom?

Rotating Game Night. We keep saying we should do game nights but never actually plan them. But what if each of us were assigned a month? And we picked a specific day like the third Wednesday of the month?

Cook-Along Kit. I’ve always wanted to do a Chopped-style cooking session with friends where we get the same recipe and ingredients, cook along together (digitally) and see how it turns out.

Guided Fishing Trip. For the anglers angling to angle. Get ‘em out on the water so they stop talking about their flies.

Salt Cave/Sensory Deprivation/Sound Bath. There are so many wellness modalities these days. Try ‘em all with a We-for-Wellness tour, giving a new one a whirl with a friend every month until the novelty wears off.

I’ll leave you with one last suggestion: maybe instead of scrolling through yet another gift guide of stuff to buy, just ask the people in your life what they’d really like to do and make that happen.

Showing another person that you see and hear them and want to turn their musings and interests into reality? Well, that’s a gift.

Question for You: What’s the best experience gift you’ve ever received?