Is It Okay to Just Drop By Anymore?

Asking for a friend who misses spontaneous hangouts

I was talking to a friend the other day. They told me about how they were driving past another friend's house and had this sudden urge to just... knock on the door. Like we used to do as kids. But then they kept driving because, well, is that even a thing adults do anymore?

When I was a kid/teenager, I just like, went to friends houses. And let myself in. It wasn’t weird. It was expected. Especially in the summertime.

In the summer, I’d wake up to a beautiful sunny day full of promise and potential. With no concrete plans. Usually I’d pack a bag with a swimsuit, go to a friend’s house and together we’d let the day unfold with our whims, moods and weather. Maybe we’d go to the pool. Or set up the sprinkler under the trampoline. Or get an ice cream. It was simple, unstructured and completely up to us to figure it out as we went. But it started with someone making the first move.

I get it. We’re adults. It’s not that simple anymore. Adult life has boundaries, schedules and responsibilities that our ten-year-old selves didn't have to navigate. We’re busy. We have to make plans to do anything.

Somewhere along the way, we lost the beautiful randomness of childhood summers where the best days happened just because someone showed up at our door.

We probs can't go back to that, but we can recapture that energy by becoming the person who makes things happen.

It’s actually a superpower.

All you gotta do is let another person know what you’re already doing and give them an opportunity to join you.

You become the person who gives other people permission to take you up on an offer (or not).

Like a bat-call signaling to others that they can indeed just hang.

Create Drop-By Occasions This Summer

I joke that the only reason I own a house is so that people will come over to eat. I mean, if they know where I live, why wouldn’t they just pop in whenever they feel like it? I had this (slightly unhinged) idea that I could write a daily menu on my front window glass with whatever I was making/eating that day in the hopes that passersby might be tempted to join me for a bite. Is that so bizarre? Apparently yes.

These ideas are a little less out there but still channel that easy, spontaneous connection we’re looking for.

Weekday Co-Working/Lunch. I feel like in the summer, work schedules are more flexible. And if we’re working from home, what if we just dropped by? Bring a friend lunch. I mean, they will probably be on a Zoom call. But you could just hang out until they’re not. Do a little co-working session. At a house that isn’t yours. Just make sure you have the Wi-Fi password.

• The text you send: “I’m bringing you lunch - be at yours in 15.”

Summer Evening Porch Hangs (with drinks). Be outside. Visibly. Where other people can see you and hear you and possibly engage with you. That way, you can less awkwardly invite them to drop in for a drink.

• The text you send: “I'm making watermelon margaritas and we’re hanging on our patio. Want some?”

Morning Hikes or Walks. We have friends who hike every Thursday morning. Same place. If we want to join, we can. We just have to show up.

• The text you send: “I'm going for a walk/hike, would you like to come with?”

Standing Open Invite. You could also offer up your place as the casual drop-by spot. Everyone knows you’ve got the good-good in the Fun Fridge anyway.

• The text that you send: “We’ve got cold beer and are grilling brats tonight, come by if you're free!”

Weekly Coffee Meet-Up. We used to go to a coffee shop called Thump on Wednesday mornings. We’d call it Thump Day. Like Hump Day. You get it. You’re smart. Anyway, it was a standing weekly coffee date and even if all of us didn’t go, someone would always be there. You can do coffee at home, too. The youths are turning their houses into their own cutie little coffee shops these days. And Patty and her husband started a Sunday Stoop Coffee neighborhood meetup in San Francisco that has been wildly popular as a “come as you are, when you can” weekly stap0le.

• The text you send: “Coffee at Huckleberry on Thursday, see you there!”

Have Dog Play-Date Meetups. It’s the easiest way to make friends after all. Make it known that you and your best friend (your dog) are just hanging and any other pups (and their humans) are welcome to come play. Or you can coordinate dog walks, too.

• The text you send: “I’m taking Marlowe to the park, do you and [INSERT DOG’s NAME HERE] want to come, too?”

Run All The Errands. I’ve read through basically every Substack about friendship at this point and this is the one thing I keep seeing time and time again. People wish that they had friends who would just go with them to do the things they already have to do. It’s funny, whenever friends visit us in town, they’re totally game to go along with whatever seemingly mundane shit we have to do. And same when we visit them! We’ve had friends who even looked at houses with us because we were actively trying to buy a house. That’s next level.

• The text you send: “I'm running errands - come with!”

Or Grocery Shop Together. We all gotta eat. Pick up a friend to go stroll the aisles and fill your carts side-by-side. Make it a thing.

• The text you send: “I’m going to Whole Foods. You shop yet this week?”

Take Advantage of Pool Days. We have friends who are usually at the neighborhood club pool on Wednesdays and Sundays. We know that. They’ve extended an open invite to join any time. We just have to reach out. That’s all it takes.

• The text you send: “Great day to be at the pool - are y’all hanging?’

  

You're basically being the adult version of the kid who knocked on doors until they found someone to play with. Except instead of riding your bike around the neighborhood, you're sending decisive texts. The key is making it feel casual and useful rather than a formal social obligation or “plan.”

Same energy. Different execution.

Sure, someone has to initiate. It’s you. Be that person. So that we can all preserve what we loved about dropping-by as kids. No complicated coordination. Just easy yes/no decisions.

Summer is waiting. Show up for it.

For more gathering ideas that will certainly have people wanting to drop by, check out these summer stunners.

Would you rather have friends who always text first or friends who just show up?

I’d also love to get your thoughts on dropping-by and hear your stories. Please share!

Thanks for showing up! If you enjoyed “just dropping by” today, hit the ❤️ or forward this to a friend.

Photo Credit: Slim Aarons Getty Images collection